Let me tell you about my insane level of sanity as a mother of two young boys…
I wish I could, but the fact is there are always going to be moments when I feel overwhelmed, less than calm and frustrated. This is a natural part of parenting and it’s okay. As parents we place an awful lot of pressure on ourselves to be perfect. It’s time we let ourselves off the hook and accept that there are going to be times when we feel far from zen.
Having said that, it’s definitely not normal to be in a constant state of overwhelm, anxiety and stress. Sometimes though stress can spiral and it seems as if we are constantly fire fighting. Have you ever felt that way? From the moment you get up in the morning you are bombarded with requests from your kids, bickering, and noise. Immediately you feel on edge and stress levels rise.
In this state we no longer enjoy our kids, we simply get through the day and hope we come out the other side with our sanity intact! Well, hoping isn’t going to work. If this is your life, you have to take steps now to ensure you not only keep your sanity but begin to gain a bit of perspective and start enjoying your kids. Here’s how:
Step 1 – Get up before your kids do.
I know sleep is precious when you become a parent and if you have a small baby, by all means, stay in bed! If your kids are a bit older (I’m talking – sleep through the night) then aiming to get up before your kids should be possible for you. Now, you may already do this, but chances are you get up and start preparing breakfast or getting ready for the day. What I recommend is getting up at least ten minutes early in order to choose your mood and design your day. This way you are not a victim of circumstances. Your mood isn’t dictated by your child’s mood or behaviour. You get to choose, and in doing so you take back your power.
Step 2 – Design Your Day
Now you have ten minutes to yourself you have a chance to decide how you are going to feel and how your day is going to go. So how do you do this? Simple, you meditate, but not any form of meditation. The meditation I practice involves breath work, energy work, visualisation and subconscious programming. Here’s the process:
A. Breathe
Sit comfortably, relax and use the breath to breathe into any areas of tension and consciously release as you breathe out. Repeat a few times until you feel relaxed.
B. Ground Energy
Bring your focus to your feet. Imagine as if roots of light are growing out the soles of your feet deep into the earth. Visualise a ball of light at the very centre of the earth. See and feel the roots connecting with the light at the heart of the earth. Allow the grounding energy from the earth to flow up the roots into your body.
C. Light Sourcing
Next, imagine light flowing down from the heavens. Allow this light to flow into your crown and throughout your body, down to your feet. See and feel the simultaneous flow of light coming up from the earth through your body and up to the heavens and at the same time the light from the heavens, flowing down through your body and into the heart of the earth. Stay in this energy for a few minutes.
D. Visualise
From this space of peace and connection, visualise your ideal day. Imagine how you would like your day to go as if everything was in your favour. Go through each part of your day, starting from the morning, paying particular attention to how you see yourself interacting with your kids. See everything flowing with ease and joy. Feel gratitude for the perfect day you are experiencing.
E. Set Intentions
Now set an intention for the day. This can take the form of a positive affirmation such as “my relationship with my kids grows more peaceful and loving each day.” Or you can simply set a one word intention for your day such as “peace” or “calm” or “happiness.” Allow yourself to feel peaceful and calm or whatever you intend to feel. Remind yourself of your intention throughout the day, particularly when you feel stress levels rising.
F. Protection
Finish by protecting your energy field. Visualise a bubble of light around your body. See this light intensifying, growing brighter and brighter with each breath. Imagine this light around you wherever you go.
Step 3 – Welcome Whatever Comes
As you go about your day there will be stressful moments. Allow yourself to feel the stress or worry and forgive yourself for having these thoughts and emotions. Really allow yourself to feel this forgiveness in your heart. Breathe.
You are doing a great job and criticising yourself for your emotions isn’t going to do you or your kids any good. Why not allow yourself to really feel what’s coming up for you, without reacting, just feeling.
Acknowledge that there will always be moments of stress and that’s okay, as long as you don’t take this stress with you throughout the day. When we resist our emotions they push back with greater force. When we acknowledge emotions and we are open to feeling them, they simply melt away. When I do this, I am left with a feeling of deep peace and calm. This process takes only minutes (sometimes seconds), but if I resist the emotion it will stay with me for hours afterwards. Have you ever felt sad or out of sorts for no reason? This is because you resisted the emotion when it first came up and now you can’t even remember the event that triggered the emotion, so it seems that you are unhappy for no reason! There is always a reason for what you are feeling, and this usually is an errant thought about a person or situation that brings up the painful emotion.
When we welcome whatever comes, the pleasurable emotions and the painful ones, we stop resisting. And when we stop resisting, we start embracing life, and life embraces us.
Great news! My new online course Asleep in Six Minutes, Bedtime Meditation for Kids will be opening soon. Want to get front row tickets when the course opens up? Get on the waitlist here and be the first to know when the course goes live. Plus as a bonus you’ll receive my free ebook Just Breathe, Mindful Exercises for Kids.
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