We all go through situations in life when we feel discouraged or sad and we may even feel like giving up, either on ourselves or on a dream or on someone close to us. We may feel let down or abandoned and lost.
It can be tough dealing with these emotions and we often feel the need to run from them or drown them out or numb them with food or alcohol or drugs. Some of us try to ignore our feelings by working harder or filling our life by doing more, but the emotions always find a way to haunt us. When we push the feelings down, they only reemerge ever stronger when we’re least expecting it. It’s better to deal with them and learn from them rather than putting off the inevitable by not facing our emotions in the present.
Facing our emotions can be daunting, especially when we don’t know what to expect. We can be afraid of how deep the feeling lies and the ferocity of it. But it doesn’t have to be so daunting. With a little practice and following these six powerful steps, we can become more peaceful, happier and ultimately masters of our emotions.
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
Talk to yourself and describe how you are feeling. If feeling sad or fearful admit it to yourself. This step alone is very powerful. Emotions are flags as to what we are thinking and if we are thinking negative or adverse thoughts then it won’t feel good and emotions such as anger, dispondance and sadness can arise.
These emotions are coming up for a reason, so stopping to recognise them is half the battle. Once you admit to yourself that there is sadness or fear or whatever else is coming up, you no longer have to run from this emotion and the associated fear gradually dissolves.
Acknowledge you are feeling sad and admit that this is okay, everyone experiences emotions, it’s part of the human experience. When I’m experiencing adverse emotions, I repeat the following prayer from A Course in Miracles -
I must have decided wrongly, because I am not at peace.
I made the decision myself, but I can also decide otherwise.
I want to decide otherwise, because I want to be at peace.
I do not feel guilty, because the Holy Spirit will undo all the consequences of my wrong decision if I will let Him.
I choose to let Him, by allowing Him to decide for God for me.
This alone brings tremendous relief. I then follow this practice by moving onto step two.
2. Lean In
Once I’ve recognised and admitted to my feelings, I observe what’s going on. I tune into my body and sense where I’m holding the tension or anxiety related to the emotion I’m feeling and I try to relax and release it. It may take a few tries before I fully relax but as long as I’m present and aware, I can sense if the tension returns – usually due to my thoughts about the situation and allowing worry to creep back in!
Observing what is happening means that we don’t run from it, but equally we don’t engage with drama, fear, sadness or whatever else is coming up. We just observe.
3. Comfort Yourself
Rather than berating yourself for feeling angry or fearful, instead speak lovingly to yourself. Comfort yourself as if you are talking to a young child. Tell yourself that everything will be okay and that you love yourself and will always be there for yourself. Continue speaking in a loving, nurturing way and allow yourself to believe these words and to start feeling better.
4. Forgive Yourself
We are here to learn, and that learning involves making mistakes, experiencing challenging and difficult situations and emotions. Through these experiences we learn, we grow and we evolve. Why then are we so hard on ourselves, not just when we feel we’ve made a mistake but in our perception of ourselves, feelings of lack, low self worth and not being good enough or worthy. We have to embrace every part of ourselves and know that every aspect serves a purpose. So stop feeling so bad and forgive yourself for your perceived wrongdoings or lacking. In reality, there is nothing to forgive, we need only to have grattitude for all our emotions which provide the opportunity to learn and to grow.
5. Breathe
Breathe through your emotions. Take long deep breaths – if you are familiar with Ujjayi Breath or other breathing techniques, use them, otherwise, breathe into the area of your body where you are holding the emotion or tension and breathing out – let it go. Relax your body and repeat the process until the tension has subsided.
6. Consciously Raise your Vibration
Finally, choose positive, loving thoughts and actions. Pull yourself out of the emotional trenches by choosing to think and therefore feel more positive. Don’t allow worry or negative thoughts cloud your mind. Let go of them and consciously choose thoughts of grattitude, compassion, forgiveness, wonder, excitement, joy and anything else that lifts you to a higher plane.
Once you have followed the previous five steps and dealt with your emotions head on, this last step becomes easy and natural. If you try to jump to this step without carrying out the previous ones, it’s almost impossible. Ignoring the emotion without dealing with it only makes it grow stronger.
In short – practice acknowledging emotions as they arise. Lean in to any feelings causing discomfort. Comfort yourself by practicing loving self talk. Forgive yourself and others for any perceived wrongdoings. Practice conscious breathing. Finally, raise your vibration by choosing positivity.
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